Commissioner of Assemblies


Evan Kowal

1. What motivated you to run for Commissioner of Assemblies?
    I’m Evan Kowal and I’m running for Commissioner of Assemblies, which I have wanted to be since sophomore year. That year I dressed up as MVP caliber basketball player LaVar Ball, the only man to beat Michael Jordan one on one, to rap in front of the school. As I was spitting my hot fire, I looked in the audience and saw my water polo coach and substitute teacher Mr. Gonzales, red in the face with deep and painful embarrassment. I realized then that I wanted to embarrass my coach at every assembly, not just the ones I was selected to rap at. If elected, I will implement more class competitions at assemblies, as well as utilize my insane freestyle rapping abilities to entertain the school. Like every suburban white boy, I consider myself a highly-skilled rapper, and many people have called me the next Cardi B, not only for my sick bars, but also for my sassy personality and seductive dance moves...okurrr! Actually, I’m self-aware enough to know that I’m not that great of a rapper, but I hope I can make you guys laugh by roasting other schools, teachers, and myself through my raps and skits. As someone who has participated in assemblies as a performer, I will make sure the best performers in every grade can perform, and I believe my experience as captain of swim and water polo gives me the experience to work well with and lead the people that make assemblies great! 


Alex Parra

1. What motivated you to run for Commissioner of Assemblies?
    Hello. I am running for Commissioner of Assemblies, mainly because I was peer pressured into it. I have no clue why people thought I should run because I have no obvious qualifications. However, I still think I can do a pretty good job if I were elected. Assemblies is one of those positions that really matter because everyone wants to have a good time, and I can show you a good time. I like to think I’m respected by the students and faculty, but the truth is I’m probably just a meme. In this era, that’s what's needed for Assemblies because memes are a staple of teenage life. At the same time, South Pas has so much talent and I want to showcase it to the entire student body. There are so many people cooler than me and they deserve their moment to shine, and I want them to be able to. You best believe as Commissioner of Assemblies that dream of mine will become a reality of yours.



Anna Gale